Q. What is your name?
A. Helen Kane.
Q. You are the Boop-oop-a-Doop Kane are you not?
A. Yes, sir I am America’s Boop-Oop-a-Doop Girl.
Q. Now then, on what occasion did you first sing this song?
A. I sang it on any and all occasions.
Q. Would you mind singing it so the Judge can hear it?
A. Not at all. It goes like this Boop-Oop-a-Doop! Boop-Oop-a-Doop! Boop-Oop-a-Doop! Boop-Oop-a-Doop!
Judge, Let me see if I understand you clearly. You say it goes like this… Boop-Oop-a-Doop! Boop-Oop-a-Doop! Boop-Oop-a-Doop?
A. That’s it, your honor.
Judge. I want to be certain of the facts. I’d hate to be over-ruled by the Supreme Court through an error in the exact number of Boop-a-Doops or their proper sequence. Only last month one of our leading jurists was overruled in a song suit involving the number of Hey-nonney-nonnie-nonnies in a song called “Hot Cha-Cha.” Glotz versus Bernstien, I think it was. Proceed.
Q. Now Miss Kane, will you tell the court the meaning of Boop-Oop-a-doop?
A. I don’t just know how to do it.
Q. Well, perhaps I can help you. The words are fraught with significance, are they not?
A. Oh, yes sir.
Q. They express gayety, contempt for care unconcern with the graver affairs of existence, and manifest a total indifference to the more serious things of life, do they not?
A. You took the words out of my mouth.
Q. The very combination Boop-Oop-a-Doop filled a yawning chasm in the vocabulary of millions and gave power of expression to hitherto inarticulate people, did it not?
A. Oh, yes sir.
Q. it made the dumb speak, did it not?
Judge. I don’t think we need go into that. I concede that Boop-Oop-a-doop was spoken by the dumb everywhere.
Q. And the expression became associated with your name and personality Miss Kane, just as “I intend to fight it out on this line if it takes all summer” became associated with General Grant, the words “Give me liberty or give me death” with Patrick Henry and “Business fundamentally sound” with Herbert hoover.
A. Yes, sir.
Q. And you feel that the use of Boop-Oop-a-Doop or any part or fraction thereof by any other person would constitute an infringement of personality, imperil your future and cause you great financial and physical distress?
A. You said it, big boy.
The Judge (talking in his sleep). Verdict of 2000 Boop-Oop-Pahs with the usual Doops.
The application of the defendant for a bill of hot-cha-chas is denied! Court adjourned.